smoking..

I never used to smoke before. I mean i wasn't a chain smoker. A random stick here and there.. that was it. I only started smoking after all that she did to me.. That's when i started.. About a box a day now..

But hey.. Don't get me wrong. Its not her fault I'm smoking. Don't think of me as one of those idiotic guys who start smoking simply because they got their hearts broken.. or because they were too depressed.. or because they couldn't handle the stress.. No. I'm not that person. Not at all. I started smoking for a very very very simple reason. Because i stopped caring. I stopped caring about what others would think or say about me. I stopped caring and worrying if I'd get some sort of cancer and die. I don't care if i get a sudden asthmatic attack.. Nope.. I stopped caring. There's no reason why i should care. Not a single one.

My dad smokes. He's been smoking since he was a teenager. I hate him smoking. And I'm trying to do everything in my power to stop him from smoking. I wan him to quit. Pretty hypocritical of me eh.. HAHAHHAHAHA!! But no. I don't want him to smoke anymore. You see its different for me and for him. He's got a beautiful family. He has a lot to live for. He's getting old. His health is his most prized possession. I want him to preserve it! He has a tonne of people who love him dearly. A tonne of people who would miss him terribly if he wasn't here. He has something to live for. Not me.
I love smoking. And as much as you might be tired of hearing smokers say this, I'm not addicted to it. I honestly am not. I don't crave for it when i don't have it. I don't see the need to light up a stick once I'm done with a meal. I don't need it in the morning to wake me up or at night to put me to sleep. I think perfectly fine without it. Its true. I don't need it. But i like it. I enjoy it. It makes me happy. Gets me a little high. Helps me smile. And i do love to smile. It helps me socialize. My job requires me to mingle with a lot of people. Lots of bloody office politics to tackle. And believe it or not, smoking actually helps you 'click' with people. Somehow smoking with a random dude outside the office doors kinda bonds you. Weird huh.. HAHHAHA!!!
But.. I'm gonna continue smoking. Until i find a reason to stop. Until I start caring. Or.. until taxes are so high that a box of sticks cost a bomb :D