god

i used to have everything. now i don't have everything. its bloody weird how life tends to fluctuate like this. at one point in life u may feel like u have the world! as though your life was complete. flawless. perfect! but seconds later, life just fees so empty. i wonder why that is. i never really quite understood. i used to have the world! i used to wake up smiling, go through my day smiling, go to bed smiling, and probably even sleep smiling! but things change. a few months back i used to get depressed, upset, confused thinking about this. but now i look at things differently. its god. yup. god. the man upstairs. the great one. the creator. the general manager of life. probably even the director or CEO! i believe in god. i like believing in god. sometimes, i feel like i must believe in god. i need god. some people don't believe in god. i understand that. no one knows for sure if god even exist. but whatever said and done, i think we all need god. we need wat he represents. all of us are of different religions. with different gods. but i believe they are all the same. you see, to me god somehow puts things into perspective. when we are upset, we tend to say things like 'its god's will' or 'god has plans for us.. he wants us to go through this.. he has a motive for doing things'. if its true or not, i do not know. but we still need it. we need that faith. we need some kind of comforting. we need to know that things can and will get better. now thats where we need him/her (i dont know if god's a he or she so bear with me). life is all about the way we feel inside. the way we feel about things. happy or sad depends entirely on the way each person perceives things. wat is happy for one may be sad for another. it is all in our individual minds. and if there is god who we can use to ease things in our head, then why not believe in him?? if it helps us smile through a storm, then why not??
god has helped me a lot. once again, i dont know if he exists or not, but the idea of god, the idea of a greater being watching over us, has helped me a whole lot. i can go through shit and yet smile thinking that things will get better. it might just get worse, but it still made me smile for a split second there. and i think thats more than enough reason for me to believe in him. i'm a guy. and i like thinking of myself as being that all manly macho kinda guy. but i seem to be a pretty emotional person. i get upset easily. i get angry easily. and at the same time, i get all excited easily. thinking of god somehow helps me buffer all this. when something has gone bad, i smile by thinking that god's done it for a reason and once i get through it, i will somehow benefit from it. when something goes well, i smile and think that he did it for a reason. i guess this helps prevent things from getting to my head. k this is all for you. read this once in a while to remind urself of wat you have gone through and wat you have felt. right now things are going both well and bad. u are working. you've been single for about 1 year 3 months now. you are lonely. but u are meeting people like crazy! never have you been this lucky with women! never! i seem to be on fire! almost every week i am meeting someone new and somehow that person tends to get really fond of me! so so so many people that its crazy! this has never happened to me before!!! never! i swear! and when all this happens, i dont wan things to get to my head. i dont wanna think of myself as all that. no. thats why i think of god. i look at it as he's somehow testing me. he wants to see how i deal with temptation. since you will be the only one reading this, lets be honest with ourself k, we have been dry for quite some time!! i mean really really dry!! i havent had sex in months!! about a year i think!! and thats bad!! bad bad bad!!! with all these women coming after you, you would expect me to be indulging on the forbidden fruit!! bloody hell i am tempted!! tempted to the extend that i sometimes have to literally slap some sense back into myself!! no k. no. god had a reason for doing this. number one, he wants you to be a modest humble guy. the world may throw itself at you, but that doesnt mean you are the king of the universe. second, he's doing this to see if u deserve to get something better. if u fall and crumble right now, you'll never taste that sweet sweet prize awaiting you. now this may all be a whole lot of shit you thought up in your head, but screw it, we shall believe in it. even if nothing comes our way, even if there is no such sweet prize, screw it, lets keep to our principles. somehow it all adds up to who you are and wat you believe in. i dont respect those idiotic men who call themselves players. screw it, i dont envy them. not at all. i would rather wait and wait till i find that one perfect girl. yup! believe in it k. even if it doesnt work out, hey, as a consolation, you'd be a great guy!