I have no idea wat is going on with my head. I don’t know why i am constantly depressed. Not depressed per say, but more of unhappy. Finding it hard to smile these days. So much so that my face doesn’t have that natural lil permanent smile anymore. I don’t know wat to think to make me smile. I don’t know why i am upset. I don’t know wats bothering me. Do i need a break?? It HAS been long since i ran away from things. Maybe i need time away from everything. Kinda click the reset button on things. Wat is it that is bothering me?? Am i bored??? Probably lonely?? Yea lonely.. i think thats it. But the sad fucking part is that i don’t see myself capable of being in a relationship anymore. I do get people interested in me. There are people who fancy me. But somehow i cant see myself with any of em. I cant see myself getting involved anymore. I don’t think i can take that crap anymore. Relationships to me are too full of lies and deceit. Too full of fake smiles and forced emotions. People aren’t sincere anymore. Gone are the days when u can meet a girl and know for sure that u will end up marrying her. Nope. Not anymore. People are incapable of honesty. Incapable of sincerity. People do not understand the value of gratitude. Nope. People don’t. I try to be the person who gives. Give give give. Thats all i try to do. If i cant be happy, then i shall try my very best to make the people around me as happy as possible. Somehow i see meaning to my life by doing that. But then it reaches a point. When my subconscious mind kinda kicks me ass and points out that people aren’t willing to do for me wat i do for them. Why??? God knows! And somehow god just loves being all mysterious with me. I must be a pretty entertaining guy. Cause i’m pretty sure he’s enjoying the show from up there! Hahahhaha!! I don’t know. I joke about everything but the truth is there’s lil to laugh about in my life. I mean i have everything in the world. But somehow my damn mind refuses to appreciate wat i have and insists on reminding me of wat i don’t have. Bloody mind! I gotta do something about it. I don’t know wat though. Maybe try meditating or something. I’ve tried talking to people. I’ve tried talking to god. Somehow i haven’t found the solutions yet. They must love playing hide and seek. And i seem to suck at this game. Fuck. I mean FUCK!