regrets..

I feel like shit right now. K remember this day. Remember this emotion. Remember exactly how u felt on this exact day at this exact moment. Remember how low u felt. I want u to remember. Never forget it. All these people tell u to let go and forget. But no. I want u to remember. Remember everything that has ever happened to you. Remember every mistake that u have ever made till this very point. Regrets. They are all regrets. Never forget a single thing. U need to remember. Its the only way u are gonna learn. Its the only way u are gonna improve. And i'm not saying that so that u may assume that one fine day, when u are perfect enough, that life is finally gonna be perfect. No. That's not why u should remember. That's not why i want u to improve urself. No. I want you to remember simply so that u have no regrets. So that, even on the loneliest nights, at the most depressing of hours, u never turn ur hatred to yourself. U never ever ever turn ur anger to urself. I never want u to feel like this again. Thats why, remember. Always remember. No matter wat u do in life, never stop loving urself. But then again, dont love urself for all the wrong reasons. Love urself because in ur eyes, u do sincerely love urself. Because in ur eyes, and in the eyes of everyone else, u are worth loving. Because u are that great. U arent great now. Thus i understand all the hatred u have for urself. But dont loose hope. U can be great. U can be awesome. U can be the best thing that ever walked this planet. And make it happen. Make urself into someone who is worthy of ur own love. Make it happen k. U can. I know u can.

BRING IT ON!

Today is one of those fucked up days. You can tell the moment u wake up, that the day just isn't gonna go well. You wake up with a frown. You drag urself out of bed, drag urself out of the shower, and drag urself to work. Ever had one of those days?? yeah well.. today was King of those days.
You see, yesterday i learnt something. I just got employed this year. And in this company, you go through a one-year probation/training period. If ur bosses are satisfied with ur progress and see potential in you, then you're confirmed. Vice versa. Yesterday i found out that a few of my seniors wrote pretty bad reports about me. How did i know?? I'm close to my boss's son. His dad hides nothing from him, and he hides nothing from me. Now these lil fuckers who wrote fucked up reports about me, they are jackasses. Complete jackasses. I am absolutely incredible at what i do. Its something i was made to do. Something catered perfectly for me. And i know it. I know it well. And after 9 months, everyone seems to know it. The problem is this. My senior fuckers don't like the idea of me being good at what i do. They feel threatened by a junior executive half their age. They know that I'm gonna move up fast. And they simply can not bear the though of me being their boss one day. So, what do they do??? They fuck with me. They try everything in their power to bring me down. To screw me over. To force me to make mistakes. To pretty much annoy the fuck out of me, crack me open, and get me the hell out of here. Yup.. That's exactly what they do. Those lil fuckers. They go to my boss and fabricate lies about me. They go to my workers and ruin my image. They go to my colleagues and turn them against me. Now u tell me, how the fuck would u wake up in the morning if u were me?
But no. No. I'm not gonna give in to these bastards. I'm not gonna take shit from them anymore. Now i know for a fact that i will get confirmed. Why??? Cause my boss cant risk losing me. He needs me. He sees incredible potential in me. He knows the future of the company is screwed if people like me aren't here to help out. He knows he cant trust those deceiving-immoral-self-obsessed-power-crazy-bastards. oh yes. He knows. So i know that I'm gonna get confirmed. And once i am, i will take care of those fuckers. I will teach them a lesson. I will show them who i can be. 3 more months till i get confirmed. 3 more months they have to gloat in their own images. And for 3 more months i say 'bring it on!'